The concept of marriage hasn't really changed much throughout history. A couple who love each other make a solemn religious or legal commitment to be with each other for the rest of their lives, and they are expected to stay together. If you're not happy with your marriage, divorce is an option, however it is still frowned upon, especially if a person is divorced more than once.
Society today is very different from how it used to be. Gone are the days when young people courted, chose a partner that their parents approved of, and got married before moving in together. Gone are the days when people stayed together their whole lives just because they were married and supposed to.
These days, it's not uncommon for a person to have several long term relationships, live together before marriage, have children before marriage, and to go their separate ways if things don't work out. It's OK to try someone out, live with them for a while, see how it goes, then break up and move on. But unfortunately, it's not OK if you happen to have a wedding somewhere in between. If so, your break up becomes a divorce.
Our society today is so different, and yet marriage remains largely the same, aside from the recent acceptance of same sex marriages. It is still considered a big step, an additional commitment, and something that shouldn't be taken lightly, yet most of what makes up a marriage already exists in most long term relationships.
Getting married used to signify a couple starting their lives together. Once you got married, you started living together, sleeping with each other, sharing your finances and so on. Most couples today do all these things before they even consider getting married. They already have everything that constitutes a marriage before they decide to have their wedding.
Whether marriage adds anything to a relationship depends on the couple. For a lot of people, it adds an extra layer to their commitment to each other, although it doesn't really affect their day to day lives or their feelings for each other.
The only thing getting married really changes is the steps the couple have to take if they decide to break up. An unmarried couple can simply divide their things and walk away, even if they have children or property together. A married couple has a much more difficult path.
In order for a married couple to part, they must get a divorce. They have to prove to a court of law that their relationship has ended and that they have agreed upon dividing their property and the new arrangements for their children and their finances. They have to meet legal requirements which often means that they have to have lived separately for a year. If one of the parties doesn't want a divorce or doesn't agree to the terms, it can be a long drawn out process and can cost a small fortune in legal fees.
There is also a social stigma attached to divorce that isn't attached to a long term relationship coming to an end. If a couple in a long term relationship is unhappy, it is usually socially acceptable for them to go their separate ways. In fact, it is often seen as the most favourable option. People advise them that there's no point staying with the wrong person and that they would be better off apart.
When a couple is unhappy but they happen to have had a wedding, it's a different story altogether. They shouldn't get a divorce, that would be terrible. They should work at their marriage, they should try harder, they should try to avoid a divorce at all costs. Divorce is seen as a bad thing, something to be ashamed of, when in reality it is hardly different from an unmarried couple deciding to go their separate ways.
I don't believe that anybody should be made to stay in a relationship in which they are no longer happy. Whether they're married or not shouldn't come into it. People grow and change over time, and the person you chose to be with at one stage in your life may not still be right for you in a future stage. People shouldn't be made to feel bad about that just because they decided to celebrate their relationship by getting married.
I am a twenty-five year old twice divorced woman who is currently planning her third wedding. I'm not ashamed of my divorces. I don't feel that I am any different from a twenty-five year old woman who has had two long term relationships and is currently settling into her third.
My current partner and I already have a marriage, and we're looking forward to enjoying our wedding together.
This entry was posted 4 months ago
It has been tagged: marriage, history, love, commitment, divorce, society, partner, relationships, children, wedding, acceptance, sharing, finances, couples, feelings, path, stigma, reality, change, life, future, woman, planning.