Every single one of us has worried about something over the course of our lives. Worrying is a common response to difficult situations, but it's not a very useful response in most cases. It usually causes us to waste time feeling bad about things that we can't change. For many of us, it affects our mood, our productivity, and our every day lives when we become consumed with worry. It doesn't usually have any useful or positive effects, so worrying is something that we would be better off without.
If we take a closer look at what we are worried about, and why we are worrying, it can help us to understand our behaviour. This in turn can help us to control or change it. So what do we worry about?
We worry about things in the past, the present and the future, we worry about things that we do or have done, things other people do, and things that we have absolutely no control over. I think we can divide all this worrying into three distinct groups, worrying about things that we can't change, worrying about things that we can change, and worrying that is worthwhile. Lets start with the last one.
Worrying that is Worthwhile
Although a lot of worrying is counter productive, there are some types of worrying that are actually useful. In certain cases, worrying serves a worthwhile purpose. This is usually true when you are worrying about something that is happening in the present. For example, if someone close to you is ill, this causes you to worry, which in turn causes you to visit them or call them and check that they're alright. This is worthwhile because it brings you together at a time of need. If you are ill, worrying about yourself causes you to go to the doctor to find out what is wrong, so that you can get better.
Another example is when you're worried about the safety of someone or something. This causes you to increase security measures or set boundaries, which is probably a good thing. If we didn't worry about this kind of thing, we could open ourselves and others to possible abuse. If we didn't secure our homes and vehicles we become vulnerable to theft. If we don't set boundaries for our children they could hurt themselves or be hurt by others.
This type of worrying is useful because it causes us to take action that we might not otherwise take. Of course, it is possible to take this type of worrying too far. Excessive worry about safety could cause us to miss out on opportunities, waste time and money on over the top security measures or become paranoid and obsessed. This is clearly not productive or worthwhile, and I would suggest it belongs to the next type of worry.
Worrying about things you can't control
Lots of worry is pointless because the object of the worry is outside of our control. It doesn't matter how much we worry because there is no sensible action that we can take to change things. This kind of worry can be about things that happened in the past or things that may or may not happen in the future. For example, people usually worry about how they did in a test, yet the test itself has already happened and nothing they can do now will affect the result. No matter how much you worry, the result will be the same. This kind of worrying is totally pointless, it can't help us, it just wastes our time and energy. It is better to just accept that we can't change the outcome, and let it go.
An example that I am facing at the moment, my partner is waiting for a letter that will let him know whether or not he has permission to stay in Canada with me. If he is refused, he will have to return to england without me. There is nothing that we can to do sway the decision, we just have to sit and wait. Worrying about it would consume the time that we definitely have together. If I have to be without him, I don't want to remember our last few weeks being full of stress and worry, I want to be able to remember good times. Worrying would spoil that and so I am determined not to do it.
The best way to avoid this kind of worrying is to accept that it doesn't help you. It doesn't make logical sense to worry. It simple isn't worth it. Keep telling yourself that over and over again until it sinks in. Also, you could try the worst case scenario strategy. Imagine the worst possible outcome, and how you might deal with that and manage to go on with life. If you feel that you can deal with the worst case scenario, you no longer need to worry about it happening.
Worrying about things you can control
We also often worry about things that we can control, asking ourselves questions like am I doing the right thing or am I really doing my best? These are things that we have direct control over and that we have the power to change. It is not worth worrying about whether or not the choices we make are right or not, worrying isn't going to help us. It would be more sensible to make the best of the choices we have made and enjoy living our lives rather than worrying whether we could have done it better another way.
If you are worried that you're not doing your best at something, then rather than worry about it, it would be more reasonable to simply change your behaviour and begin to do your best. If you're worried that you've made a bad decision then change your mind. If whatever you are worrying about is within your control then simply choose to take action. If you know that you have done your absolute best, you have no reason to worry.
Consider what you are worried about and why, and see if you can change things so that you worry less. Don't forget to keep smiling :D
This entry was posted 13 months ago
It has been tagged: change, mood, productivity, positive, behaviour, control, future, purpose, safety, security, boundaries, abuse, children, opportunities, money, energy, partner, power, choices.