It's very easy to drift along in life doing the same things you always do. It's comfortable and familiar. It's probably not very exciting though.
Change can be a good thing, it adds excitement and adventure to your life. It can also be scary as it leads to the unknown and is probably outside of your comfort zone.
Change can be small or huge, planned or unexpected, important or trivial. Some changes affect us in small ways that are not very significant in our every day lives, for example trying a new brand of shampoo. Some changes affect every aspect of our lives, such as having a baby, losing a loved one, moving house etc.
The big changes that affect everything we do can be a shock to the system and difficult to cope with. I've been through a lot of big changes in the last few months, my marriage broke up, I stopped working, I moved to a different continent and I began a new relationship. I want to share with you my tips for coping with these big changes.
Focus on the positives
Whenever something changes in your life there will be some positive and some negative effects. It's often very easy to see the negative effects and harder to see the positive ones. Try to search out the positive effects and focus on those every time the negative ones fill your mind. If you start to think "Now I won't be able to do that any more", counteract it be thinking of something positive, like "But I will be able to do this instead which will be a lot of fun".
Clear out some negatives
As well as focusing on the positive gains that came with your change, it can also help to focus on some negative aspects of your old life that are no longer in your life after the change. "At least I won't have to do that anymore" can be a good way to make you feel good about change.
Keep some constants
Change can be unsettling, but there will be some aspects of your life that remain constant. Keep hold of the things that are still the same as they were before the change. For example, when I moved to Canada from England almost everything was different, but I still have internet access and keep in touch with the people I talked to when I was in England. I still buy bath products from Lush. I still make my favourite stir fry when I've been feeling unhealthy. These things are all small but they help me to feel like the same me I was before.
Use the opportunity to change something else
Major changes give you a chance for a fresh start, and a fresh start is a good chance to make other changes that you've been meaning to make. Quit a bad habit or start a good habit. For example, moving to a new home is a good chance to start being tidier, shopping at a new store is a good chance to try buying healthier food etc. Try to look at the change as an opportunity to improve your life. Make it worthwhile.
Exaggerate the good bits
If the change you're going through seems more negative than positive, a good way to cheer yourself up is to exaggerate the benefits that the change brought. Like I mentioned in my post about recovering from an abusive relationship, it feels good to do things that you couldn't do before. If it's not enough to think "Now I am able to do this", then go out and actually do it. Do it over and over again and really enjoy it.
Talk about it
No amount of thinking positively and changing things for the better will make everything feel good all the time. Change is difficult and there are bound to be times when you wonder if you did the right thing or try to imagine what would have happened if nothing had changed. When you just can't manage to feel good about things, talk about it. Chat with a friend or see a counsellor, whatever feels right to you. Don't bottle it up, it'll eat away at you and that's not going to help you adjust. It's normal to have low patches, and talking it all out makes you feel a whole lot better.
Last but not least, always try to keep smiling :D
This entry was posted 2 years ago
It has been tagged: change, excitement, marriage, coping, positive, fun, constants, home, benefits, recovering.