Recently my husband and I broke up. My life had revolved around him for three years and I was devastated. All my plans and dreams for our future were shattered and I didn't know how I would go on living without him. I hoped I would wake up and it had all been a dream. I wondered why it had come to the end, what I could have done, what I should have done. I was miserable and broken and things felt hopeless.
With the help of some wonderful friends and my family and even random strangers online, I changed my perspective. I now feel happy, secure within myself, excited about the prospect of a new start and a new direction in my life. I am thrilled to be alive. I made this change in perspective in just a few short days.
Changing your perspective can be a very powerful way to change your feelings and your life. It isn't easy to do when you feel so low, but with enough help and support you can turn a whole situation around just by looking at it from a different angle.
In my case, my husband left me. He moved out of our home and left me to care for my three daughters on my own. I had to quit my job and change my daily routine. I had to pull myself together and get on with life for the children when all I wanted to do was sleep and cry. I had a choice to make.I couldn't change the fact that he had left. I couldn't change the fact that I had to go on living. I couldn't change the fact that I had to hold it together and look after the girls. I could change how I looked at the situation and how I felt about it.
When I felt like giving in, I turned to my family and friends and people in a chat room online. I talked out all the negative emotions and listened to them telling me all the positives that I was going to see in time. I did small things one step at a time as and when I felt I was strong enough.
I worked through the negative emotions and realised none of them were useful to me. I didn't need to feel angry, it wouldn't change anything. Thinking about how it could have been made me feel terribly sad. I didn't need that either. I could see that I had a whole future ahead of me but I couldn't see how I was going to get to it.
I made the decision on new year's eve to be happy every day. I felt determined and sure that I could manage it somehow. I didn't need to feel negative, I needed to adjust to my new circumstances and I wanted to be able to enjoy them.
Every day since then I have searched out something to feel happy about. I used my proud journal to help me realise what had made me happy each day. I managed to clear up stuff that had bothered me for months around the house. I cooked meals for the first time in months. I have enjoyed spending time with the girls. I have so much to be proud of myself for and to feel happy about.
I am now making my plans to start my new life. Somehow, the money I needed to make it happen actually materialised. I'm sure that all the positive thoughts helped to make it happen. I am so thrilled to have the chance to be in Toronto with my family around me and so many new opportunities. I can't wait to get there.
As for me and James, things were very awkward for a while as we adapted to being apart. He has found somebody else and that was very hard for me to accept at first. We took some time out and didn't speak for a week. We both wanted to remain friends but it seemed impossible. I felt he wasn't living up to his responsibilities as a father and he wasn't behaving like a friend either.
I felt so angry towards him that week. I couldn't understand why he didn't want to visit the girls and I was so hurt that he had left me to be with somebody else. I then realised that the pain I was feeling was all my creation. He was doing his own thing whether I liked it or not. I didn't need to be miserable about it. I needed to be happy about my own life.
I let go of my anger and I let go of the pain. I focused on the positives that I could see. There weren't very many to begin with. I didn't have to live with his mess. I didn't have to sit on my own wondering if he would bother to come home. I could relax and get on with what I was doing.
The more I focused on the positive things, the more positives I noticed. Then when we started speaking to each other again, I was in a positive frame of mind and it was so much easier than trying to talk to him when I felt anger and hate and pain.
We have been speaking for a week now and we are almost getting on really well. Of course some things still feel awkward between us. A lot has changed and it is difficult to get used to. Focusing on the good parts makes it so much easier though. We are still able to have a laugh together and that is so much nicer than arguing and being upset.
Sometimes it's just too hard to see anything good in a situation. If you can't see any positives then imagine some. I thought about how great it would be to get to Toronto even when I thought I would never actually get there. I knew it wasn't real but I imagined how good it would feel to step off the plane and see my family and get a place to live and all the things we could do. I'm convinced that the positive energy I created by imagining actually helped to make it happen in real life.
If I can use positive thinking to feel good about my life falling apart then imagine what it could do for you. Just search out the positives in any situation no matter how insignificant they seem at the time. Any little thing you can cling to that puts a smile on your face even for just a second is a thousand times better than being devastated.
Keep smiling, it really does help :D
This entry was posted 2 years ago
It has been tagged: husband, dreams, future, family, perspective, change, feelings, support, home, children, sleep, emotions, proud, journal, money, positive, thoughts, opportunities, anger, energy.